Valerie Sanders was introduced to her future husband Mike Michaels through a mutual friend of theirs, Jerry Dominic in April of 1998. She was a free-spirited woman in her late twenties, providing counseling sessions to couples who’s marriages were struggling. Jerry had known her since their Freshman year at Columiba College in Chicago. And when he introduced her to his friend, bartender Mike Michaels—he had no idea that this metting would change both of their lives forever.
They married the following June and lived a happy marriage. Mike had gotten enough money to buy his own bar, and Valerie began getting gigs offering advice on the local radio station—WX52V. In 2005, she was offered a job as co-host of a show—“Relationships, Love, and Everything In Between”, where she offered romantic advice to callers on the air. It was in late 2006 that her own relationship with Mike began to show signs of strain. Like a lot of couples, I guess you could say that they just drifted apart. She filed for divorce in February of 2007, and the divorce became final in June—the day before their 8th anniversary. Mike had planned on moving out, but business at the bar wasn’t as good as it had been in the past and he couldn’t afford his own place. Neither of them wanted to give up their beautiful and lavish apartment at the heart of the city. So they reached an arrangement, they’d be roommates. They’d live together, split the expenses, and sleep in separate bedrooms. Sounds fine, right? Well, seven months later—they were both starting to think that this was NOT a good idea.
Mike had recently begun seeing their next door neighbor, Megan. Megan was a perky young magazine editor for “Star” and the two met at a speed dating event. While Mike was looking for a woman to help him move on, Megan was looking for her knight in shining armor—a real happy ending. And on this day in January of 2008, Valerie had agreed to have a casual drink with Mike and Megan at their apartment. This was something she had been regretting ever since she agreed to do it. But she had a plan: making Mike squirm with jealousy. She decided that she would pretend to have a date that evening—a date with a very handsome doctor. And for the kicker—she’d even send herself some flowers. When her best friends and co-hosts Katie and Jeff heard of her plan it seemed rather obvious to them that Valerie still had feelings for Mike. This of course she denied profusely.
Katherine Billingsley, or Katie, like Valerie was very flawed. Katie met Brian Harrods when he lectured at her college in late 2003. He was swept of his feet, and he proposed to her the following month. Brian was the manager of the radio station and was instrumental in getting Katie her job on the air. She was grateful, but not as grateful as Brian had hoped. She wanted to get married. And every time the subject was brought up, he kept finding ways to push the conversation off the table. So, here they were— four years later and STILL engaged. Katie was growing tired and often fought with Brian. They’d had a fight the night before and Brian wasn’t speaking to her. So, Katie and Valerie took turns complaining to each other about their love lives.
Valerie and Katie’s other co-host was Jeffrey Martin. Jeff was a rather childish man, jumping from relationship to relationship and always looking for fun. It was no secret that he had a huge crush on Gwen Thomas, the producer of their show—something that annoyed her and everyone around him to no end. Gwen was a cold bitch who didn’t care at all about personal relationships—friendly or romantic. She was often scolding people and asserting her power over them. This is how she earned the name “Atilla the Hun”. Jeff was blind to all this—his stance being that she was just a workoholic.
And on this day in January of 2008, the radio topic was “Couples Who Are at a Standstill- Going No Where and Coming From No Where.” The irony of all the radio topics that Gwen picked, was how they all personally related to each of the three hosts lives. And this was Katie’s life story with Brian all over. And since they weren’t speaking, Katie knew that she needed a plan of action. She’d have Jeff talk to him man-to-man and find out what was holding him back. Jeff reluctantly agreed—although he surely had enough problems of his own. Gwen was unresponsive to every move and every come-on he made to her. He couldn’t fathom it—they’d always worked on all the other girls.
Gwen knew that he had no feelings for Jeff. He was a child and was never fully committed to anything he did. She didn’t have time for a relationship—her career was her top priority. And even though she made this clear to him, time and time again—he always kept on trying. She had a clear-cut opinion on this: “You know why you want me, don’t you? Because I’m not interested. It’s that classic male behavior pattern. You want what you can’t have. And after you get what you want- you don’t want it!” But even with things like this, Jeff didn’t give up his pursuit of Attila the Hun.
That night Valerie was preparing to set her plan into action. She told a suspicious Mike about her date with the doctor that evening. But before he could inquire further, the doorbell rang. She was here: Mike’s new girlfriend. When Mike opened the door and greeted Megan, Valerie politely smiled and waved. They very politely sat down in the living room for drinks and casual conversation. Megan was very nice. And Megan was very pretty. And Megan was all too perfect. But in Valerie’s mind it was all going to be okay. As Jeff had said, she’s just a rebound and besides, Valerie had a plan. When the doorbell finally rang, she raced to her feet and upon opening it, was presented with flowers. She was beaming when she saw the look on Mike’s face. It looks like her plan had worked.
The next day, Jeff flagged down Brian in the break room at the station so that he could try to talk him into marrying Katie. Jeff and Brian had never been friends and needless to say, Jeff was unsuccessful. Brian had deduced what he was there to do and scolded him for not minding his own business. Jeff was obviously embarrassed and got up to leave, but on his way out he accidentally knocked a hot cup of coffee on Brian’s pants. Yes, it’s approporiate to say that Jeff’s attempt to bond with Brian was unsuccessful. It was clear now that if Katie wanted a conversation—she’d have to do it herself. The topic on the air that day was “Crushes: Healthy Concentrations or Unhealthy Obsessions”. This of course fit Jeff’s predicament. But with the advice that Valerie had given a lovestruck caller: “Go for it”, Jeff now had his OWN plan of action to get the icy Gwen.
That evening, as Mike was preparing for another date with “the rebound”, he found the bill for the flowers on the counter. He’d been right all along! There was no doctor. When he confronted Valerie, she confessed it all. But when he said, “Well, hang in there. I’m sure you’ll manage to scrape up a date sometime soon,” she’d had enough! She stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door. She stayed in their all evening and didn’t come out until the next morning for breakfast. As she was reading the morning paper, she was shocked to see a half naked Megan coming from her ex-husband’s bedroom. Megan, embarrassed, greeted Valerie before running into the bathroom.
When Mike came out of his bedroom, Valerie lost her control and slapped him across the face. This led to a shouting match between the ex’s that led Valerie to cry. It was then that Mike decided that it was time to move out. But Valerie pointed out—he didn’t have the money to afford his own place. Valerie composed herself and told Mike “I hope one day we can laugh about this.” But when he decided to live dangerously and let out a laugh, she hastily added “Not today!” When Mike saw that Valerie really seemed to be alright with this, he begged her to try and get along with Megan- the other night wasn’t a good enough effort. Valerie sighed and agreed to it—this would prove to everyone that she was fine with Megan and over Mike. When Valerie left the apartment, all Mike had to do to convince Megan into getting together with Valerie that evening, was grant her lips with a kiss.
That day at the station, Jeff was confidant. From the minute he arrived that day he knew that he was going to get Gwen to go out with him. He was going to “go for it”. And go for it he did. He pleaded, he reasoned, he asked politely... and when she still wasn’t sold on the idea—he begged. At the sight of Jeff on his knees begging her for a chance, Gwen relented. She’d go out with him—but this was a one time only thing. Because this would prove to him that she was not interested. They decided to meet each other after work at Mike’s bar. As Jeff watched Gwen walk off, he knew that he had indeed “gone for it”.
When everyone left the studio that night for their prospective dates, Katie cornered Brian to “talk with him”. She asked him when the big day was going to be. His response: “It should be sometime this century.” She was not amused by his poor attempt at a joke and continued to ask him of his intentions. His honest answer: he was afraid that getting married would be the downfall of their relationship. Instead he said, “I’m not sure if this is the right time.” But he told her to be patient, and that they’d come back to the subject soon. Katie was satisfied with this answer—there would be a follow-up conversation, but it would in fact happen. And with that, they kissed and made up.
That night, Valerie and Megan met for drinks at the bar. They conversed and got to know each other a bit better. Megan complimented Valerie on her wit and sense of humor. Valerie accepted the compliment, but couldn’t understand why Megan was always so nice. She explained to Valerie that she cared about Mike and tknew that they had two options: get along, or hate each other. Megan wanted to choose the get along option because it would make things easier on everyone. Valerie agreed—for Mike. So it was then that Valerie and Megan decided that they would be friends—no matter how weird the situation would be.
As Jeff came into the bar, he found Gwen already waiting at the bar for him. But before he could go meet his lady fair he was stopped by Ellen, the waitress. Ellen was a good hearted, but generally ditsy and erotically charged waitress. She and Jeff had been known to fool around occasionally in the past. But tonight Jeff blew her off, he had his eyes on the prize. When he met up with Gwen, she scolded his tardiness and told him to get her a table. They sat down and attempted to make conversation. It wasn’t going well. When asked what was wrong, she had an answer, “We just have nothing in common.” He replyed, “Well, that doesn’t mean we still can’t have a good time. Opposites attract, right?”. She added, “Sure, if they don’t kill each other first.” Jeff laughed and clinked glasses with Atilla the Hun.
When Megan had left, Valerie sat down at the bar to talk to Mike. She had concluded that if they were going to live together, they needed some dating ground rules. Mike agreed and pulled out a napkin to write on.
#1: There will be a schedule of who gets the apartment when.
#2: No deragatory comments about the other’s dates.
#3: No fix-ups.
#4: No double dates.
#5: Dates will be out of the apartment by morning.
#6: Minimal disscussion of relationships.
As Valerie and Mike shook on the ground rules, a man crossed over to Valerie and smoothly asked her if the seat next to her was taken. When she shook her head, he introduced himself as Dr. Eddie Hoffman III—a divorcee who was looking to move on. Valerie couldn’t believe her ears. And as Mike looked on, Valerie accepted a date with Mr. Dr. for the next evening. As Valerie left the bar with a new phone number in her purse, she knew she had succeeded in making Mike a little bit jealous.
The next day on the air, Valerie was beaming about her new love interest—Mr. Dr. It was fitting that the topic that day was “Moving On And The Long Road To Recovery”. As the show wrapped, and the girls went off to meet each of their men, Jeff and Gwen once again found themselves alone. They agreed, that they were not meant to be together—but they could try to be friends. They’d go out some time for a “friendly drink”. Jeff knew that he would have to move on. But then something unusual happened. Gwen grabbed him and kissed him. It was an electrifying kiss that had Jeff skipping out of the studio singing. But Gwen, realizing that she’d slipped up, called out after him in a flurry, “This doesn’t mean I like you!”
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